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- I've asked to be taken off my project and my manager is taking steps to extract me. I've been miserable, not sleeping, stressed out since onboarding a year ago. A year of my life, I told her, and I don't want to do this anymore. So they're going to replace me with someone else. But aren't we complicated beasts - I started crying when I told my partner on the project (a chat in Teams). I'm miserable and I hate every day of work but I will miss being on the team. I have a long list of to-dos that I haven't been able to get to because I've been so busy with work - get my car scheduled for its 150,000 mile service, follow up with the vet about my dog's surgery, get a massage, find a doctor, take apart my car's dashboard to fix the light that keeps going on and off, clean my kitchen, etc. Today I finally got in for a haircut, though I didn't have the time for it. I'm imagining getting highlights a shade or two lighter next time. This is vanity and I've always avoided this - going blonde - but here we are. So I resort to vanity. I get up on a stool so I can look at my glutes in the mirror. I should have measured my waist before I started going back to the gym - but I didn't, so I only have vague horrific memories now. I'm not even close to peak fitness level but only getting closer and I'm itching to go out and run a long fucking race, run all day, finish and be fine - a little sore and tired but fine. Training for an ultra is a way to avoid everything else in life and right now that's all I want to do.
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