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- Ignonimity isn't a word. The word is ignominy. I am glad I found this out before suffering the ignonimity of using such a word in public. I am sad, though, that it doesn't exist. Ignominy is hard to say and it sounds dumb, and I've never heard anyone use it in my life. What I haven't been able to imagine is being the owner of the house without the puppy's roommate. That's why I've been so hesitant. I know that's what it'll be and I can't imagine it and don't want to imagine it. I've put it off for so long in order to stave off the inevitable. And it is inevitable because if/when I buy the house, he'll be a dick about it and stop talking to me. Why? Because. And then what will I do? I mean jesus, what I'll do is I'll kick ass, but I can't imagine it right now. Like, the roof overhangs need to be sanded and painted. How the fuck am I going to manage that? The basement drains need to be connected to the city sewer and need a pump for that. How the fuck am I going to manage that? Who do you even contact for this shit? If I want to get a half-bath put in the basement, how do I do that? If I move into the downstairs, how do I go about getting a tenant for the upstairs? And what if I hate them and want them to move out? New fence. New insulated drywall upstairs. Siding on the garage. Etc. etc. etc. I can't do any of this shit. Siding on the house, new North windows, bathroom downstairs, taxes, leases, the fence next to the douchebros, what if the city wants to put in sidewalks? I want a piano. How would I get it moved in? We've made a good team but we're only a team if we both want to be a team and right now neither of us wants to be a team. Or I do, I don't know. It's weird when you know you should want something but you can't even make yourself want to want it. I don't want it, and I don't want to want it. It's too sad. I dreamed that the job I applied for came with a salary nearly twice what I'm making now. I don't think it does - actually I have no idea because they didn't list a salary - but... Then at work they’ve just advertised a position that does pay nearly twice what I’m making now. I’m stupid qualified for it too. I might apply just to dare them to interview me for it, even though I don’t want the job at all and would be terrible at it. But I’m qualified as fuck so they’d better interview me. But I’ve also seen plans for future structure that includes a position I really would like to do. Could wait for that to get established and apply for it. Moving and changing, some good, some bad, some good but also bad. Or sad. Fucking sad.
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