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- It's hard to imagine that winter is coming but it is, it will, it's getting here any day now. It's cold today, has just warmed up to 35 degrees, but the ground isn't frozen and the roads are dry - it's warm! Tomorrow it'll be a different story. Depending on what happens with the snow, I'll ride my bike this week and that's likely it. Because next week it's getting down into single digits and ain't no way I'm riding my bike in that. Unless it doesn't snow at all. I don't know what's going to happen. I was 100% sure I was going to take the buyout at work, and now I'm only 99% sure, or 91% sure, I don't know. Maybe I'm 50/50. It's nice to imagine, though, having to do this only a few more weeks, and then - something else. It's nice to imagine not having to get up in the dark and leave my house in the dark, but - maybe I have a good job, I don't know. I'd thought I had this cushion, a month or so to get things done, but time rapidly eats away at the cushion and I only have two weeks until I leave for my trip. Two weeks! Maybe I won't buy new pants, but what shirts will I bring? What about money? What about shaving implements? How many swimsuits should I bring, one or two? Should I get a haircut before then! Should I bring a book to read! Should I buy a new shoulder bag thing! I'm doing this 15K mountain race this weekend and I don't think it'll go well. My calf has re-strained itself, it seems - has gone back to hurting, after a couple months of just being weird. I need to do something about this, start getting massages again, but who has the time? And going up hills with an angry calf is a recipe for an angrier calf. And my only trail shoes are Pearl Izumis, which have a heel-toe drop, which is good for my calf but bad for my toe. My toe - that's hurting too. Will it hurt while I'm in New Zealand? It'll hurt in this race if I'm wearing Pearl Izumis, and I'll be wearing Pearl Izumis. So every single thing that there is to worry about, that's what I'm worrying about. Every single thing to make more complicated - yeah, I'm making everything more complicated too. I have no gloves. I have a million iterations of every single other thing I own - I own a million winter hats, and I hardly ever wear winter hats. I own a million knee-high socks, and I haven't worn a-one of them since last winter. This morning I could find three pairs of gloves - my ski gloves, a knit pair, and a pair of ladylike driving gloves. I wear gloves all the time, why do I only have three pairs! This is dumb. I need more contacts, I'm on my last pack. I need more contacts in the next two weeks. I made an appointment for tomorrow at Shopko - I'll buy more gloves while I'm out there! But the last two years it's taken them fucking five months to get my insurance paperwork submitted and refund processed! I'm planning on quitting in two months - I'm 91% sure I'll be quitting, so my insurance will end/change, and what if they don't have this submitted by then? I'll just tell them I'll pay in cash and submit the paperwork myself, then I'll get everything back and will be able to submit the FSA stuff by the end of December. Right? Things don't have to be so complicated, though - I'm making everything complicated. It'll all be fine. I don’t HAVE to worry about anything because I know it’ll be okay, but I worry because I want to worry. And also because I wake up every flipping morning at stupid o’clock and what else is there to do then.
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