|
|
|
- Oh, chance of rain next Wednesday! That would be nice if it actually happened. Have I mentioned we're surrounded by fire? It's gross. I tried to jinx the hot weather by taking the fenders off my bike a few weeks ago. But how the mighty have fallen; my powers are not what they once were. The only thing that's happened is that the bike path I take to work every goddamn morning is always getting hit by sprinklers now. Calf update: The puppy's roommate was able to magically loosen the long hard knot in my calf last night. He says I need to "get in there" and "pull it apart". I have no idea what he's talking about, I've never taken any anatomy classes, all of this is a foggy mystery to me. It felt to me like a buffalo jump had been inserted into my calf, a long hard ridge. How the crap am I supposed to pull that apart? Also, gross. Also, it hurts really bad. Reeeallll bad. It burns. I'm not going to do that to myself! But maybe it's turned a corner and will start healing more quickly now. I don't want to keep going back to that massage guy. Puppy update: The puppy is aging like a fine wine. If he was a sweetheart before, he's a sweeterheart now. Same with being cute. He'll be five at the end of this month and will be off to kindergarten. Yesterday was National Mutt Day. What? I thought National Mutt Day was in December! It is. National Mutt Day should be called National Mutt Days because there's two of them in a year. Why? It's really only once every 3.5 dog years. Even that doesn't make sense. Youtube: Ed Sheeran joins a very exclusive boxing gym. Only three people belong to the gym, and one of them is a lady. She's a badass, and she wears an impractical cutoff hoodie, even when she's boxing. She smacks Ed Sheeran in the face with her locker and they go on a date. She is very stinky, so stinky that Ed Sheeran is moved to write a song about it (putting his budding boxing career on hold for a singing career). But anyway, Ed Sheeran and his new girlfriend - her name is Jennie - train together in sexy ways. Then Jennie decides to join a different gym! Instead of telling him anything, she leaves him a picture of the gym as a clue. Ed Sheeran shows the picture to the other two guys at the gym. They tell him how to get to the new gym, but he has to be worthy of it. He trains furiously. Ed Sheeran is a badass! He's finally ready. He goes to the new gym to fight! Oh shit, his opponent is a sumo wrestler! The sumo wrestler is good natured, but he defeats Ed Sheeran. Jennie is in the crowd watching! The sumo wrestler drags Ed Sheeran's lifeless body around, and grabs his sweaty butt belt and waves it around. Oh no look out sumo wrestler, HI-YAHH! Um, that video has nearly two BILLION views on the youtube, so if you haven't seen it you're a nerd.
|