October 28, 56 degrees
Friday, Oct. 28, 2016 - 15:41

I'm trying to eat a caramel apple at work. It's going well.

Went to PT this morning. My toe is killing me. Is this a secret? No. Is this new? No. But finally today my therapist was like, huh, wow, look at that swelling, why do you think it's hurting now? And I'm like, goddammit it's been hurting for months, I don't know why it's hurting that's why I'm here. I had mentioned elective amputation the first time I saw her - because it was hurting so much I'd rather have no foot, right? But apparently she didn't think it hurt. It hurts. So finally today she did some ultrasound, which worked very well and my stupid toe felt a lot better after that. She mentioned massage but didn't do any, but that would have been nice. And she taped my foot to get some of the pressure off the toe, and that's feeling good.

I guess I don't explain things to doctors very well because they never believe anything's wrong with me. I tell them something's painful and swollen and they give me hip-strengthening exercises. Yes, that'll help in the long run but my pain right now is an 8 out of 10, make it stop hurting or cut off the toe.

Caramel apples are a terrible idea. The execution is awful. You get caramel on your nose and caramel slobber on your chin, and after you eat the caramel all you're left with is a shitty apple on a stick.

Oh also I just saw Mr. Motherfucking Ardent Admirer and was too freaked out again to do anything other than smile faintly and walk by quickly. Gah. This is a public campus, I can't say he's not allowed to be here, blah blah blah, but fuck. I'm so fed up with my inability to tell him to leave me alone. And I'm annoyed that I even think that because I've had quite a bit of training on sexual harassment and I know how these things happen. And I'm annoyed that even though I've had quite a bit of training on it it's still happened to me again. And I'm annoyed that it's such a prevalent and accepted and expected thing.

Anyway, what needs to happen is that I need to tell him to leave me alone, stay away from me, don't send me letters or get in line behind me at the store, don't come to my work, and then when he does one of those things - because he will - THEN I'll be able to go to the police. Or his boss. Haven't decided.

There's now a secret diaryland group on facebook, thanks to Linguafranca! Now we'll all be able to stalk each other after diaryland disappears. Just kidding! No stalkers allowed :(