March 4th
Friday, Mar. 04, 2016 - 18:51

Found a nice house to buy - good yard, trees and garden, similar neighborhood to where we're at now, no garage but there's room to build something - and it makes me sad, the possibility makes me sad, not sure why. Actually I know why.

My employment is quite tenuous right now but actually that's good because I'm not doing what I want to be doing. I want to be playing with words, why am I not doing that? And the longer I go in this direction the more impossible it will become to get out of it. So it's good that I might not have this job in six months.

I started thinking crazy thoughts - I could get on a plane and go fucking anywhere. I looked up prices to Australia and it's only $967 from here to Sydney. Why not do that? I could. I could take two and a half weeks off and go to Australia for $967 next month.

In my imagination people should always be hopping over to Europe when they want to do something crazy like in the movies but I really have no desire to go to Europe, I always want to go to Australia.

Then I thought I could go to Hawaii. I've never been to Hawaii, I should go. But I looked at tickets from here and it's not much cheaper than going to Australia, so I might as well go to Australia. All roads lead to Australia.

I signed up for a trail running group that meets twice a week at fucking 6:15 a.m. one day and fucking 8:00 a.m. the other day - two months of that. I signed myself up for two months of early morning runs with a bunch of what I can only imagine will be arrogant fucks. I know they won't be arrogant fucks, I don't know why I'm even thinking that, I think I'm intimidated by the whole thing. These are people who get up to run together at fucking 6:15 a.m. Oh god what have I done.

What I've done is gotten myself into a new kind of training. I've been planning to do my training in the hills this spring, and now it's going to be more focused than I thought it would be. And I will run with people I don't normally run with, which will be good for me.

Well, we'll see how it goes. I'm pessimistic. I mean, I'm irked with the puppy's roommate again, so I'm pessimistic about everything.