Can't we give ourselves one more chance?
Tuesday, Jan. 12, 2016 - 22:51

Couldn't get to sleep last night for the life of me. Not fun. Blah blah blah etc.

Anyway, one of the many things I did was think seriously about what I'd do if I won the Powerball.

Obviously I'd set up a foundation and become a full-time philanthropist, but I'd need some sort of direction, I couldn't just philanthropize all willy-nilly. So I decided one of the things I'd like my foundation to do is buy old run-down houses, fix them up (not elaborately, just get them back to their original states), and sell them at the same price we'd bought them. Then today I decided I'd like to provide grants for small farms, including urban farms, including, like, backyard gardens. Etc.

Obviously if I won the Powerball it would ruin my life, but obviously I won't win because I never buy lottery tickets.

One of the reasons I couldn't get to sleep was that I was speculating about some terrible thing. I tried to remind myself to have a little faith, but I wouldn't listen to myself, and whaddaya know it turns out the speculation was unfounded. As it usually is. So once again I've learned that lesson that I don't think I need to learn any more but I probably do.

Once upon a time not long ago I was listening to "Under Pressure" over and over and over. I'm sure I wrote about it here. I'm not sure right now what I was stressed out about then but the song made me feel better. Also it's just a completely and ridiculously fabulous song. Also the video is completely and ridiculously fabulous.

So I listened to "Under Pressure" again last night, over and over and over, and again tonight. Structurally it's unendingly interesting, a mini-epic. But the main thing I love about it is that its lyrics are so full of empathy, it's such a beautifully empathetic song. We aren't often very nice to ourselves, and this song is all, "Hey, honey, it's okay, you're not alone."

This week, Rob Brezsny says I've got good qualities that are also bad qualities but right now the positive aspects will be more predominant. This is good, except that I suppose that means in a month the negative aspects will take over and I'll be a complete shit-head.

Boxing is going well! I'd like to practice my kicking more. Bam! Kapow!
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'Cause love's such an old fashioned word, and love dares you to care for the people on the edge of the night, and love dares you to change our way of caring about ourselves.