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- I'm thankful I haven't documented the daily ups and downs of everything over the past few years. Much like weight, the important thing is the trend over time. - Back when I was doing the not-eating thing, I'd weigh myself multiple times a day, and I know weight fluctuates even when you're generally trending down. - I also know that sometimes I get very emotional and my perception of things gets magnified. I'm not interested, generally, in being a whiny overreacting poopyhead, which is what I would be if I were constantly recording everything. I suppose I've learned a lesson about that from previous relationships, because I was always writing out everything that happened and that I was upset or insecure about. There was a reason for it - it helped me process, it helped me get it out and feel better - but looking at my journals from those times is painful and embarrassing because what I wrote was so self-involved and ridiculous and reactionary and hyperbolic, a reflection of my feelings rather than an accurate view of what was going on. For the past couple years, whenever I start feeling that insecurity or whininess creeping up, I remind myself - I tell myself out loud in my head - no, have faith. - Have a little faith. Trust what you know. The bad feelings will pass. - This has generally paid off, and here I am. I've been on a crying jag for the past few days - it is sad, it is going to be hard, but that doesn't mean everything's terrible. I could give in to my worst thoughts but I could just as easily give in to my best thoughts and believe that everything will be okay. So why not do that? It's much more pleasant. Like Sonic Youth said, many years ago, "It better work out, I hope it works out my way."
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