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- I was feeling mighty pleased with myself for joining a boxing gym - if you couldn't tell - - and then I found out that Mary died on Friday. This wasn't unexpected. ... | I've been thinking about when I knew her. My life in Seattle was very creatively productive. I took pictures all the time, I wrote oodles of stories and whiny journal entries, I took a glassblowing class, I took a writing class, I went to see bands once or twice a week. Mary thought the world of me, thought I was this great artist - of course as I've told you Mary saw art in everything and was the biggest fan of art there's ever been, so of course she'd think I was an artist. She loaned me her digital camera - she was in terrible debt, barely making it, but sometimes she bought herself some very nice things, including this very expensive digital camera. She was very shy about stuff and for some reason wouldn't use this very expensive camera - afraid of its power, maybe - but she loaned it to me because she wanted me to use it. I wasn't into digital, had never owned a digital camera, but I agreed to take this thing for a spin. And it was very nice, it had this macro that you wouldn't believe - I got pictures of bees and pollen on buttercups. I took the camera back to her and told her she needed to start using it. Where do I have those pictures saved? I'll have to fire up my old laptop. My cubicle at work was lined with my pictures, like an art gallery she said. One day I'd brought a camera to the office and took a couple pictures of my desk - they came out very weird, very "cubicle" in a depressing sort of way. When I left Seattle, when I left my job at the firm, I left one of those very desolate pictures there. As a joke. I just read an email Mary sent me a couple years later in which she mentioned that bleak picture. I'd forgotten. After I left she did start taking pictures and even submitted them to the P-I, where they were published online. She started a flickr account and an etsy account, where she sold some of the pictures she took. I bought one and for some reason had it sent to me at work. My first job here - it was in this office that people think of as prestigious, but it was really just a crappy job - but she was so excited for me when she found out where I worked. Of course. She married a circus ringmaster! I don't know if she was also married to a musician, or if I confused that with the ringmaster. But of course she married someone from the circus. She had a wild and unbelievable life. | I don't take pictures anymore - in fact I have a few rolls of film that have been waiting for me to get them developed for a few years. I don't see bands very often. I write a few dumb short stories a year, if that. Since I moved here I've filled my spare time with running, mainly. No, my life here hasn't been terribly artistically creative at all. So I was thinking what Mary would think about what I'm doing now, the lack of creativity in my life now - I haven't lived up to her view of me, no one would call me artistic in any way - but you know what? She'd be thrilled that I've joined a boxing club. As much as she loved art, she also loved .... hmm, I don't know what words to use here. Girl power? Personal empowerment? She loved Rosie the Riveter and Wonder Woman. I'm not the artist she imagined me to be, I haven't published anything in The Sun, I'm just another humdrum doofus, but I've just joined a boxing gym. I mean, I'm not a boxer either, I'm kidding, but at least I'm pushing myself, and she'd be thrilled by that. I am very lucky to have known her. (I realize this is all about me.)
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