Hello
Monday, Aug. 17, 2015 - 11:04

A wise man once said, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times."*

I guess so.

The puppy got himself so excited last night when I got back home that I think he tried to mount me. He was able to calm down before anything untoward happened, but it was VERY exciting for a while.

I am lucky lucky lucky to live where I live.

Well, I'm sure you don't want to hear about that, I'm sure you'd rather hear about how comfortable my bed was last night. My bed was so comfortable last night! Oh man! I fell asleep so hard and comfortably, it was lovely. But then!...

At some time in the night a terrible thick smoke blew into town. I had my box fan going in the bathroom window, sucking air in through all the open windows, but this smoke was bad and woke me up. There would be no breathing of this smoke. I managed to peel myself out of bed, stumbled to the bathroom, turned off the fan, and got back into my bed, which was still terribly comfortable. Then I fell asleep again. But then!...

My alarm went off! What the fuck? It was 7 a.m. on a Monday. I hit snooze, and fell back asleep. I was sound asleep and on my way through another sleep cycle. But then!...

My alarm went off. What the fuck? It was 7:18 a.m. on a Monday and my alarm had apparently gone off and been snoozed twice already. Oh my. It was awful. My bed was so comfortable. I was not done sleeping. I managed to get up around 7:32. What a nightmare.

I ate breakfast on the steps with the puppy, and then I went to work and lived happily ever after.

*I'm kidding, I know it was Charles Dickens. This is a hilarious allusion to something which I will explain in tedious detail right now. A few years ago at this fancy ceremony for smarties preceding college commencement, one of the student speakers began his speech by saying, "A wise man once said, 'With great power comes great responsibility.'" This student speaker was a weirdo who, for example, had tried to usher the college president down the aisle when he thought it was time to go down the aisle, and it wasn't - he wasn't in charge of that kind of thing, you know? I'm not explaining it well, but this guy was a weirdo. (I'm not saying being a weirdo is bad, I'm just saying that he was a weirdo. A very serious weirdo.) Anyway, after he said that, my coworker whispered to me, "Wait, isn't that from Spider-Man?" And it was. The guy was quoting Uncle Ben but trying to pass it off as something academic. So then my coworker and I started saying that - "A wise man once said..." - and using it inappropriately/incorrectly. As I did here. It's funny, really super funny, and I am sure you get the funny funny joke now. Thanks.