Soundtrack: Vetiver
Saturday, Mar. 29, 2014 - 18:29

It's Saturday, a rainy morning that turned into a cool (relatively warm) damp day. I just watched Dr. Strangelove and had tea and toast. I'm having another cup of tea now.

I did yard work this afternoon, cleaned out my garage, decided I don't have the heart to get rid of my thesis advisor's photocopied articles and manuscripts and files that he was intending to recycle while he was cleaning out his office - I asked him if I could take them, because I can't stand to see all that data go away, and now here I am with four boxes of stuff I don't want to look at but don't want to get rid of, taking up room in my garage. I could have more room for bikes if I could just recycle that shit.

I got my tires changed so it's officially spring and spring is officially jinxed.

I suppose I managed to do many of the things I wanted to do today but I got off to a slow start because of being fairly hungover this morning, and I didn't get out of bed until 10. It was a fun night last night but I can't drink without feeling guilty now, without knowing that some people can't just have one fun night out every once in a while, some people end up living in their cars cut off from all the people who care about them. I can't pretend I'm not aware of that. It was a fun night but I know I would have had just as much fun if I hadn't been drinking at all, and then I would have slept much better and not felt so shitty this morning. I have friends who sneak in cans of beer to the film festival. Is that something I should worry about? They have jobs, they live in houses, it hasn't destroyed their lives yet. And possibly never will. I just can't be normal about this anymore. There's so much pressure to drink everywhere and I really resent it.

I suppose I'm cut off from many of the pressures many other people are exposed to because I don't watch TV or listen to commercial radio, and when I do I'm always surprised. Oh, is that the way I'm supposed to live my life? I'm supposed to be disgusted by mops? Everything should be disposable? I should be texting and going to clubs and talking shit about my friends? I should be a bad driver and love shopping because I'm female? I'm so detached from all of that and it always surprises me when I'm exposed to it again. And it makes me sad that people think that's the way it has to be.

Well, I guess I've put this off long enough. It's time to clean some shit inside. I bought a goddamn rainbow-colored feather duster today so let's go.