|
|
|
- Same as ever, I guess - I'm going home tomorrow, he says he'll be leaving soon, probably before I get back, so again I'm on edge thinking these are the last few hours we have together. I'm extra sensitive about it and am reacting badly to things that otherwise wouldn't bother me, which doesn't help anything at all. I don't give a shit about anything else right now. I'll quit my stinking job and move to Australia, if I could be with him. I don't know where he's planning to go - he won't tell me, probably because he doesn't know himself. And it doesn't matter where he goes - everything will be the same wherever he is unless he decides that alcohol isn't as good a friend as he thinks it is right now. He could stay here and decide that - I wish he would - but I'll let him go when the time comes. Etc. I'm sure I'll have plenty of emotional distress to fill up notebook after notebook for the next seven years. I'll let you know. My boob feels better. I no longer want to cut the bastard off. This is good. We went for a hike yesterday, sunny solstice afternoon, fresh snow, nice to see. He was reluctant but participated. I hope that behavior extends to other situations but am pessimistic. I'll probably update when I get home, will probably/hopefully be able to get some perspective with the distance. Dang I'm tired. Been staying up until 4 in the morning (don't ask) but I can't make myself sleep in, really, so I get up and tiptoe around trying not to bang cupboard doors too loudly. Did I say that school's done? It is! Grades are in! Done! Phew.
|