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Thursday, Nov. 20, 2008 - 20:07

This morning I dreamed that I killed myself with poisoned frosting - I think it was fertilizer that I put in the frosting. I was home, my parents were gone, I was sitting at the table and I died before they got back home. I came back and got the exact same life in my next life - I was the same, my family was the same, I was a Pisces again. I decided to kill myself again, so I made a cake and, again, poisoned the frosting. I ate a lot of the poisoned frosting and while I was waiting for it to take effect I gave my family members some cake. It was safe for them as long as they only ate a little. My mom loved it and kept saying, "This is the best frosting I've ever tasted!" and then she'd eat more frosting. I thought about saying that it was because there was fertilizer in it, but I didn't. I realized they'd probably feel bad when they found out that I'd poisoned the frosting in order to kill myself. Finally I started dying, and I laid down on the kitchen floor, but then my mom found me and started talking to me. I woke up. It was 6 a.m. and I was relieved it was only a dream - what a terrible dream. How terrible of me.

Weather: it was incredibly windy all day, ominous and nerve-wrackingly windy. I walked to work with the wind pushing my back. I walked to yoga with the wind blowing my side. Trees creaked and swayed, leaves and garbage flew all around, the river looked like the ocean. After yoga, we opened the door to a downpour - I was surprised, I had not expected the rain - but it stopped as soon as we stepped outside. The gutters were full of crisp leaves and debris, flowing to the drains. It wasn't windy anymore.

I've been thinking about that dream all day.

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