we are still a couple days behind
Sunday, Jul. 27, 2008 - 15:00

I have no reason to start acting this way but after having not heard from someone who'd gotten my phone number 30 hours earlier I decided, resignedly, that he wasn't going to call.

What does this tell us about me?

Lately, Rob Brezsny has gently been suggesting that I'm maybe not as perfect as I think I am, that maybe I've been projecting my own thoughts and behaviors on other people. Have you noticed how I'm always thinking other people are psychotic delusional stalkers? Well, turns out, maybe *I'm* the psychotic delusional stalker. That's not what Rob Brezsny's getting at - I'm *not* a psychotic delusional stalker. But I *do* have certain tendencies, which perhaps I exaggerate and project onto other people. That's the whole thing. Maybe it's not them, it's me. It makes me see things differently. Holy crap, I think.

(Also, Rob Brezsny says I have shark babies swimming around in my stomach fighting with each other to the death.) (Maybe I caught them in Costa Rica and that's what my digestive problems have been.) (But back to the story at hand.)

I was pretty surprised at how quickly and definitely I'd gotten straight back into that stupid "he's not going to call he hates me!" way of thinking - which I did a lot of in previous relationships but which I haven't done any of since then. I thought I was cured - well, I thought I was better, I thought I was more sure of myself - and what the fuck do I care anyway?

I was riding my bike home after yoga later that day when I heard some strange noises. It was my phone. I answered, riding over some bumpy railroad tracks. You can imagine how I sounded.

Anyway.