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Thursday morning mood, passed If I were a bear I'd maul you too. If I were a bear I'd be able to justify that urge. If I were a bear I'd be able to justify my being a creature of habit because I'd be a bear. I'm not a bear but if I were I'd walk around scaring people and eating their apples. I wonder if I'm always sabotaging my own happiness, if that's it. Is that it? Because why am I wanting to move away? No really, seriously, why? I have a job here (with benefits), I have friends here, I have things to do here, I love this state and this town and seriously, why am I planning to move away right now? It takes a while to get settled in a new place, as I should know, right? Over the past five years I've done it a few times - and as soon as I'm starting to get settled, I leave. Does that make sense to anyone? I could blame it on the ants in my pants but I don't think I have ants in my pants anymore. Sure, moving back home after dropping out of grad school and breaking up with my husband was necessary. And then moving to Seattle was awesome and a positive step forward. And then moving here to finish my degree, I suppose, on paper, seems like a good thing. But what's this? Am I impatient, or am I trying to create meaning and consequence when there's nothing there? I could have anything I wanted, if I wanted. I know I'd be happier if I didn't have so many seemingly all-important decisions to make. If I were a bear, right now I'd be swimming in the river, that's what I'd be doing.
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