the ides of May: I go to counseling but am too tired to analyze its effects, and then I go to bed after eating ice cream
Thursday, May. 15, 2008 - 20:18

Hey! I had my first ever counseling session today! How was your day? Uh. So.

I felt kind of dumb and was kind of nervous about it and didn't want to go. But I went.

So I told her about the large angry mob that stormed the office and how upsetting it was and how it drug up this old issue that I have and am still a little freaked out about. And I started telling her the psycho stalker story from four freaking years ago: "Yeah, so, like this guy worked there like three weeks, and I only worked with him two or three days that whole time, we worked on different job sites, and then he quit or got fired or something, I never really knew what happened, and then a couple weeks after that he sent me a delusional letter in the mail about how he missed seeing me every day even though he didn't see me every day and he said that being with me would make him a better person -"

and she got a freaked out look on her face and said "oh my god!" which was very gratifying, because, you know, I thought it was a little freaky myself and was glad she thought so too - it validated my feelings.

And I told her about how he was going over to my idiot coworker's house at night to talk about me, and one night the idiot coworker told him I was a lesbian, so he started crying and went straight to my house. I didn't answer the door, but he came back and talked to my mom and told her that I was a lesbian and she said he was almost crying, and then he left and then called on the phone and went on a little spiel about how important honesty is and he demanded to know whether I was a lesbian or not and I told him it wasn't any of his business, and then I told him I wasn't interested and to leave me alone and not call me or write me letters or come to my house.

And I told her that the next Monday at work he followed us to a town half an hour away and it scared the crap out of me so I left town for a week.

And I told her he supposedly carries a gun with him at all times, and he smokes weed a lot (to quiet to voices in his head, in my professional opinion), and he tells disgusting violence-filled stories, and he thought we had some amazing connection because I'm a writer and he was on page 283 or whatever of his asinine violence-filled post-apocalyptic crapfest.

At one point she stopped me and said "my heart is pounding!" which was very gratifying and speaks to either my skills as a storyteller or to the very real and very scary fuckupedness of the situation.

And I told her that I found out a month or so later that he'd lived across the alley from me when I was in high school and had watched me through the fence and I'd had absolutely no idea. And when I met him that summer he gave no indication that he knew me from before or anything.

Anyway. She thought it was freaky and wants me to get a background check on him, find out if he has a criminal record. My sister's a cop, she can use her cop skills to find out, can't she?

She seemed very impressed by all the things I do, my radio show and my running and my writing [which by the way hasn't been happening much lately, I know], the fact that I've gone to Australia by myself twice, my determination to do things that I want to do regardless of whether they scare or intimidate me, etc.

I told her that a friend of mine in Seattle was mugged and beat up by a couple people and he told me that he wished the people who did it to him were dead, and I said I completely understand that - I wish that fucking psycho stalker were dead. And she understood.

I'm going to talk to my sister the cop, I'm going to talk to my supervisor at work, I'm going to try to find out if he's got a record and if he's still in my hometown or not. I don't know if I'll go back to the counselor or not.

I had every right to be freaked out and my feelings are valid. Also: hey psycho stalkers, fuck you to death, and if I ever see you I'll kick the shit out of you to the best of my ability.

Etc.

And now I'm making dinner and am going to take a shower and go to bed after that. It was a beautiful warm day, the trees smell nice and the rivers are very high, and I'm going home for the weekend tomorrow afternoon.

p.s. to the ladies: for my ladytime this month I tried the Instead Softcup because we got free samples for the running group. Sadly I don't recommend them, eww.

p.s.2. Dutch Chocolate ice cream!

p.s.3. My run on Tuesday night? Bloody brilliant - I went 11 miles and could have run to Santa Monica if I'd wanted to. I'm going to write about it in my paper journal it was so good.