hyperbole and lies
2008-05-13 - 18:57

God I'm bored. The only times I've ever been alive my whole miserable life were when I was on vacation and I've never been on a vacation once. What I want right now is to live in a big old house with big gardens and big fields at the back full of wildflowers and bumblebees and hummingbirds and sunshine. I'd like to write stories full of hyperbole and lies, just for fun. Mostly, I'd like to be warm. I've never been warm, I don't know what it feels like. I'd like this goddamn springtime to get on with it already, I'd like the stinking sunshine to shine like it's supposed to. Wasn't it hot last summer? Weren't some people complaining about that? - I don't remember that at all so I have to conclude it never happened.

Ahhhhhh, I have a tiny heater under my desk - tiny but loud but warm, like my own campfire without the smoke.

If it ever warms up again I want to go camping but have someone else do all the packing and unpacking and I want to sit by the campfire and have a big fat poker stick to satisfy my pyromaniacal tendencies and if I get too stinky from the smoke I'll go jump in the lake which will be warm because the sun will have been out for months warming it up. But not too warm, not enough to feel like pee, not enough to kill all the fish and make them float up to the top. What I want right now is to be out in the middle of the lake on a canoe, drifting, drifting, listening to someone reading out loud from a book. What I want right now is to be waking up in my sunny bedroom on the morning of July 4 with horses clipclopping on the street below my window.

I'd like to be on an airplane right now flying over the Pacific Ocean on my way to somewhere over there - I don't even care where - anywhere over the Pacific is where I want to be.

I'm not a good employee, I spend too much time looking at google maps, zooming in on random islands in the South Pacific. I spend too much time on wikipedia looking up Wilco and Vitamin B12 and leprosy and pineapples. I spend too much time typing things into notepad, things that I save as drafts in gmail and never do anything with.

I put up my pictures - I got bulletin boards at work and now have a place to display my pictures. But I can't find the ones I had at my desk at the law firm and those are the ones I want. Where are they? Where would a smart girl put her pictures that she couldn't hang up anymore? Where?

I'm tired. Do I have the gumption to go for a 10-mile run by myself tonight?