in which I recklessly taunt my old friends the Fates
Friday, Jun. 08, 2007 - 10:41

1. I don't appreciate the sudden dip in temperature after those fleeting teasing weeks of mid-80 degree days that happened oh so long ago last week.

1a. I don't appreciate the current state of my hops: they were growing like crazy fiends, like growth-hormone-injected monsters on speed, they were overtaking my house, then you decide to blight us with rain and my poor innocent hops got pulled down by the weight of a million raindrops. Your gravity pulled them down to the muddy muddy ground, where they languished in misery and agony until yesterday morning, when I, shivering and full of snot, donned my garden gloves and sandals and tried to pull them back up. They were very heavy and I got mud on my jeans. And the poor hops are now only half the size they were and I weep at the memory of their former glory.

2. I don't appreciate getting a cold in JUNE. Just so you know, we don't get colds in JUNE and I don't know why you decided to send one to me, especially considering my spectacular three-year cold-free run.

2a. I don't appreciate all the snot that comes along with colds.

2b. I don't appreciate the burning sensation that comes along with the snot.

3. I don't appreciate having to write a thesis. Why can't it be written by one of my minions, and why don't I have any minions?

4. I love radio.

5. I am thankful for the nighttime.

6. I should probably get a job but you certainly haven't helped me on this front either, have you?

7. I don't appreciate having to develop a crush on someone who already has a girlfriend, and I don't appreciate that I'm having to go three weeks without having any awkward interactions with him. And furthermore, Fates, I don't appreciate the hints that perhaps maybe my weekly awkward interactions with him might be at an end. So thank you very much but just know that I don't appreciate it at all.

8. Soup.

9. What? I'm in the middle of five years of bad luck for not forwarding some stupid chain email? Are you that fickle, Fates? Because really I expected more of you, I expected you to be above stupid shit like that. You like email forwards? Fine, send me bad luck, I'm still not going to forward that crap.

10. FATES, WE USED TO BE FRIENDS, WHAT HAS HAPPENED?

11. Either I want to buy a movie theater or I want to write a story about someone who buys a movie theater. Any ideas about that, Fates? Hmm? Any guidance? I didn't think so.