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- I would get out of bed at 7:30 and I would do homework and prepare for the day and go to class and go visit with people in between classes and work on projects and homework and grades and everything. And I would come home and have dinner and do research and sit amongst my organized possessions. I would read a book. I would go to my DJ gig some nights. I would have acquaintances and/or friends and perhaps a boyfriend or two. I would drink a sociable beer or two. I would have my place and be okay with it. I would move back to Seattle and get back into that life, go to shows, go out drinking, running, learning and listening to all those new things. I would stay here with my outdoorsy boyfriend, stand with a bottle in my hand in the doorway. We would stay up late, we would get up early, we would be outside, friends would come and go. I would get over you. But the fact that all of this is not the way it is now is indicative of the fact that I just don't know what I want. We get what we want but if we don't know what we want how can we get it? Disregarding the subconscious, of course. I'm simplifying. Honey, you are an asshole. I'm simplifying. - I am an asshole too. If I'm not ready for whatever it is my imagination is thinking up these days, then, I should worry about getting ready rather than worry about not having it right now. This was what I used to talk about, this is what that fat black journal is full of.
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