|
|
|
- I have been cooking and baking and tonight for the first time in I don't know how long I am actually full. I am stuffed. I got out an old journal. On July 7, 2003, I wrote, "I've been writing so much my hands hurt." On November 5, 2003, I wrote, "Back in Sydney for the last time and it's beautiful and I love it. I watched the bats fly east out of the Botanic Gardens tonight. The moon was behind some soft bluegray haze. It was so warm." On October 18, 2004, I wrote, "I need to learn relaxation techniques and that's real - I don't think I'm stressed out, but I am, my body tells me. I can't sleep, eye twitches, muscles clenchy my jaw hurts, my mind won't shut off or shut up when I go to bed. I need to learn how to relax." On December 4, 2004, I wrote, "Seattle, WA. Well. Well. Well. It's dim in here. And, I just don't like long-haired cats." On January 18, 2005, I wrote, "Today, this morning, I was sound asleep when the alarm went off. I'd slept all night. And I only had to wait a minute for the bus in the morning, and only a couple for the bus in the afternoon. It was rainy and windy and warm and nice-smelling. It was a pretty good day, it was. And oh how I'd love to be traveling around again." I will resist the urge to continue. But it's interesting to me. What's most interesting is how fucking different I was a year and a half ago. Even what I was writing at the end of May last year... then, come June, like... Like... anyway, the Tigers are going to the World Series and I'm happy. I'd like to know how it all is going to end but if I did I'd stop taking notes along the way. Sometimes I'm ridiculous but at least I'm genuinely ridiculous. (A year and a half ago, let alone three years ago, let alone five years ago. And this year's anniversary went by without celebration but I've been writing here seven years. Seven years ago, man I was boring. And... so, it has all been worth it, hasn't it?) Now I'm going to wash dishes and make tea. And figure out a paper topic for my OT class.
|