this is how I write essays for scholarships too
Monday, Sept. 18, 2006 - 18:40

Once I won a $300 gift certificate from Eddie Bauer Home. What I'd like now is to win a new wardrobe. This idea was prompted by a recent view of my behind in the mirror. I was dancing in the kitchen at the time. I am wearing my Dickies. They're too big. Behinds don't look good in saggy pants. The only pants I have that aren't saggy are those ridiculous size 5 junior jeans (which are too tight for one thing, and they're also too short in the butt, being designed as they were for size 5 junior butts, but also, they are DESIGNED TO SHOW OFF YOUR BUTTCRACK, they have A DIP AT THE BUTTCRACK just to show it off a little more - isn't that cute? No. It is not cute. Buttcracks are NOT CUTE).

(PLUMBER BUTT - THAT'S A SYNONYM. ARE PLUMBERS SEXY? NOT USUALLY.)

Back to the issue at hand.

I've been packing around all of my old large pants because I keep thinking I'm going to balloon up again. It's been over three years, I think it's time I got some new smaller pants.

Besides, even if I do balloon up again, these pants I have are totally out of style. As in, they don't show off any buttcrack.

Unfortunately, I have a very meager income now. Hence my desire to win these things.

I would like the following: two new pairs of jeans, a pair of khakis, a pair of corduroy pants (I love corduroy, the material and the song), and a new pair of black Dickies that fit.

Thank you very much.