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- Honey, the days are getting shorter and I don't know what's going on. Fall sends me into a panic and the thought of winter discourages me. If I could have an endless summer, if life could be an endless summer, I'd get sick of it of course but oh the thought of it. But I do love fall and I love winter and I love spring. Summer, the summer nights. You remember last summer, you remember last fall, you remember the nights running around in the rain. I remember waking up early in the morning, early, early, the hummingbirds were at our heads. You were on my pillow and the clouds were in the sky. I remember laughing with you and I remember you laughing at me. I say things that I know are ridiculous. Just to make you laugh. The best thing. When your eyes smiled. Soon there won't be evenings when I can sit here in the late light, dimming. Soon the screens on my windows will be replaced by storm windows. Soon the down comforter will go back on my bed and my nose will be cold in the mornings. Soon a cup of coffee in the morning will be made, not just to remind me of you but also to keep warm. You, honey, with a view of the Olympic mountains, go look at them for me, go see the sun going down. These days I run by myself by the river and I talk to myself at home. These days you I hope are looking at the Olympic mountains, Lake Union, Mount Rainier. You see the water and don't think of me but maybe you see my name when I see yours and maybe for a second you think about me. I see the water and think of myself and that's what I do, as you know. That's what I always do. And now I don't know why but it's much harder for me this weekend than it has been. I suppose maybe it's all part of letting go and moving on and I know I'm ridiculous and that's why I'm silent and that's why nothing comes out of my mouth. Only my fingers. So the fall will come and the leaves will turn and the days will be crisp and clear and, yes, beautiful. The winter will come and with it the snow and the beautiful beautiful snowy nights with moonlight and silence. Christmas and carols and ice and warm jackets, frozen toes and hot tea and closed windows and studded tires. Right now the thought makes me panic. And then. Slowly things will melt and slowly the light will come back and slowly things will grow and suddenly it won't be winter anymore. You already know this and maybe it's dumb but I can't write anything else.
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