Moving on
Monday, Aug. 21, 2006 - 20:38

Time is a thief but I have no right to complain because I knew that, yes I did, and I should be grateful, I am grateful, because I had some beautiful moments in time, moments more beautiful than I deserve.

Here is a summary:

Please try to remember where I was last year.

The summary will contain a subsummary right here:

Previously I had been in school always, I had lived a quiet predictable comfortable life, always doing what I was supposed to do.

Then came the Big Change. I went for something completely different. I was sick of academia and everything (including myself). I worked among uneducated people, I lived in my own little world, I cut myself off from everything.

I started getting lonely, I wanted smart people, I wanted friends. I wanted big things. I moved to Seattle.

This brings us to last year.

I met the cute boy, he was smart, I thought it would be a nice little fling.

I ended up liking him too much. This brings us to today. What is my problem? I had beautiful times, he was basically my best friend for a year, I knew it was borrowed time and it went on for longer than I thought it would - I thought it would end in January or February. So I am lucky. So let's put this away, honey. You had more than you thought you would. Everything else, there's no use crying over.

Today I talked to someone new and I realized just how much I've done in my life and how much I've seen and how much I've experienced. I've met famous people, I've worked at a fancy-schmancy law firm, I've gone to different continents, I've seen many bands, I've lived here and there, I've moved to new cities by myself, I've known psychos and cute boys and faggots (self-proclaimed, don't think poorly of me) and very poor people and very rich people. I am a writer. The experiences I've had - so there's no use crying over anything.

Life can be difficult. I always say the best music takes some getting into. You can't have a comfortable blah life and expect it to be beautiful, no. A beautiful life is not blah of course but it is also not always comfortable. My life has been beautiful and will continue to be so. I am in a hard spot now - I am always in a hard spot - but if you read what I was writing this spring it was so beautiful, those days were. And that was me.

So we will talk of this no more, which doesn't mean we will not think of it, because we will. It's not quite over - maybe it never will be, or maybe it will taper off and die eventually. Maybe it will come back. These are things we don't know. For now, for today and tomorrow and the day after, we'll do what we have to do.

Maybe I'll never write about it again, or maybe I will. There are cute boys all over the place here - maybe that will help me move on, or maybe that will only make it worse because maybe they will all pale in comparison.

I am in a new town in a new state. School starts in a week. This is me trying to tie things up, this is me finishing a degree I started six years ago and quit three years ago. This might tie something up for me, or it might open new things. The way things always go, obviously, it will open up new things. That's what I'll try to talk about now.