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- Being in a new place sucks - I miss the familiarity and comfort of my hometown, I miss my life in Seattle. I wonder what I've gotten myself into. Maybe I want to be miserable, maybe I do this to myself on purpose. ------------- Outside my window to the northeast is a big mountain and to the east is the big bright full moon and I am alone in some cottage in some alley in some town somewhere in the west. I just watched my favorite movie on my laptop and I was sitting in my camp chair and I remembered the best sentence I've ever written. I'd forgotten it - how could I forget it? And now that I've remembered it - what do I do with it? I have my desk set up, I have my paper, I have my broken heart and my solitude. And I have my sentence. Begin. --------- I miss my friends, I miss my music partner. I can't even listen to music, it all sucks, I can't listen to music that we shared and I can't listen to new music that I've found since then because I haven't shared it with him. I want to cry, I want to go to sleep. I don't want to go back to school, I don't want to teach, I don't want to write papers, I don't want to read articles. I hate articles, they're boring and they make me tired. I have plans to spend money - I need to - but I don't know if I have the money to spend. I need a car, I want a fucking Jetta, and fuck it, why the fuck shouldn't I do some deficit spending? Why the fuck shouldn't I? I wish I had some contact with my old friends but I haven't checked my email in days and I don't know where to do it. Boys look at me and maybe I'll engage in some hollow brittle dalliances with them to make myself feel better. And why the fuck shouldn't I? Everyone else does. Or maybe I'll just read a book. I won't unpack, I fucking hate that. I fucking hate it. You'd think, after not having had my own bedroom in three months, that I'd be happy to see my bed again. But after living out of a suitcase, I just think most of my stuff is worthless. I don't want it, I don't use it, I don't need it. I would still like that deus ex machina to come my way. The bastard hasn't yet. There are lots of boys here and they are attractive. Right now I just want to be taken care of. I am a big fat fucking baby. Weight loss hint: Move. It works every time. --------- What would the girl I was in Seattle do? She'd go walk around, go to a show, go to a movie. What did I do tonight? I drove around looking for a wireless connection. Now there's a fucking hurricane outside and I need to go shut my windows. But my god I need to check my email first.
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