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- 1. My grandma's in hospice now. 2. I am home, tomorrow driving to my college town to look at apartments. 3. I am not ready for this, and I am not ready for that. 4. Anxiety settled in my chest almost as soon as I got into town. 5. I went for a run and I feel a little better. 6. I might go call someone, guess who. 7. Because. 8. Tuesday morning, we're in silent mode from the fight I started on Monday, and then he sends me a message, a bullshit message, I respond, we go back and forth, I figure it's his way of breaking the ice and ending the fight without resolving or even acknowledging it, so I say, why are you typing at me, I thought we were fighting. He says, fighting is stupid, you're moving soon and fighting is a waste of time. I argue with him that he can't end a fight that I picked like that and I'm trying to not smile as I'm typing back and forth with him. There are issues, these have been aired and might be discussed someday. The fight was acknowledged, not resolved, but has been downgraded in seriousness to an ongoing discussion. I left work this morning, said goodbye to him and almost started crying. I might be moving away sooner than I was anticipating. 9. I don't know what I'm more upset about, all these things, but some more than others. I had a dream last night about a different issue entirely, one that is also upsetting to me, so this issue is apparently also on my mind. 10. Also I haven't been running regularly recently and I feel like poo. 11. But tomorrow I get to see my little sister. 12. These are days.
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