I feel uncomfortable, I freak out, I have things to do to get ready for the cute boy but I'm not doing them right now, I feel like getting into bed and sleeping.
Wednesday, Aug. 24, 2005 - 19:22

I'm freaking out.

Linguafranca: Fall! I am not ready, and two days ago it suddenly became fall here and fuck, goddamn motherfucker I'm so unprepared for it. Summer please come back! Time please stop going so fast!

Ms. Pie: Boys! Argghh! Dates and newness! Argghh.

Last night I went out for a beer with Kevin and so anyway now Kevin thinks that something is going on between me and the cute boy at work. Which there is. But no one knew yet and we weren't trying to keep it a secret but, you know, on the DL or whatever, and Kevin is Mr. Gossip.

Anyway, and now I'm freaking out. I went over to the cute boy's apartment tonight after work to make sure everything was okay and I felt very uncomfortable. We don't really know each other, I'd only been there a couple times, and it was all weird. I felt uncomfortable.

(Although we've known each other for a few months now and spent basically five days nonstop together and I stayed there two nights, but please allow me to freak out without bringing up calm reason.)

I have his car! Jesus! I don't even know what he looks like anymore!

I feel very distant and weird. Also, I'm insecure. And so: I am five years older than him, his exgirlfriend is blonde and probably way more normal than me, I am either a rebound/revenge girl or I'm a little fling while she's gone... okay, I know that and should be prepared but I'll get my feelings hurt I know.

HOWEVER when the cute boy and I talked on Monday night he was very upset and finally well into the conversation he laughed and said "that's the first time I've laughed all day" and I know he likes me and we have good conversations and there's no need for me to feel all stupid weird. But, for right now, I'm freaking out, and it'll probably change when I pick him up in three hours.

So I'll pick him up in three hours, and then we'll, you know, have two days, and then Friday night we're going north and he's running a race on Saturday morning and I'm going to drive home from there. And then I'll be gone until either Wednesday or Thursday but probably Wednesday because I'll want to come back to see him. And then we're going to see my favorite band at the Gorge. And then the next day we'll come back here and go to Bumbershoot together, all four days.

Okay, I'll stop typing now. And I'm sure I'll update again soon, but I might not until September. SEPTEMBER! FALL! OH MY GOD! WHY! I'M NOT READY! FUCKING TIME, FUCKING SEASONS, I ONLY HAD ONE WEEKEND OF SUMMER SWIMMING FUN! I AM ANGRY! I'M GOING TO TAKE A NAP.