This is an entry written very early in the morning by a person who is in the midst of not knowing anything. She usually doesn't know anything, and that's true now too.
Saturday, Jul. 23, 2005 - 05:06

Get ready for my potentially most pathetic diary entry. Fucking 5:00 on a Saturday morning is way too early to be awake, especially when you didn't get home until after 1:30.

I've been awake since 4. I don't mean I feel pathetic, just really annoyed that I'm awake, and then the only thing to do is turn on the computer. I'm hungry, but I don't have anything to eat and walking is still a litle wobbly.

I don't even know where to begin. There's not really anything to say, just that I'm awake. Alcohol does that and it's the most annoying thing because alcohol also makes me really tired. Also I haven't been getting much sleep in the last week dammit and I was really tired.

Yesterday it was almost quitting time and then some of my coworkers decided to go to happy hour. So I decided to go along. I would have only stayed an hour or two, except that I knew the cute boy would be coming.

We ignored each other for a bit but then stopped. He said I have a shell and he feels confident in his ability to break it. I told him that was really arrogant and that no one can break it except myself. Then he said that's what he'd meant. But it makes me suspicious, when people think they can get in me. What do they want, and why do they think they can get it?

The cute boy is the first person in Seattle that I've liked, and duh, I've liked him, but I also just plain old like him, he could totally be my friend, he could probably even be my best friend. But if he's thinking he can get in me and it seems like just a conquest to him or something, then, I don't know.

Also, I had been thinking, and I was pretty well convinced, that we could just be friends and that the fact that he has a girlfriend made things pretty safe. However, and I don't know, but, he gave me this look once that really wasn't a just friends look.

Kinski is playing tonight.

He drove me home.

Someone was banging around my neighborhood at 4:30. I was already awake, but those motherfuckers. I have a headache! I want to be asleep!