Hello, I will bust yo ass, huuahh.
Monday, Jul. 04, 2005 - 19:11

I am doing laundry, the two stinkiest loads of laundry I've ever done in my life. Remember when I saw the Cloud Room last week? Cloud Room? Stink Room is more like it! (Rimshot.) I don't know what they were smoking in that bar, but the clothes I wore that night ended up smelling like someone's ass after an old man had blown his morning breath into it. THAT BAD.

I have never in my life done laundry on the 4th of July. Usually, in my hometown, I get woken up early by the horses tromping by my window on their way to the parade, then we go to the parade, then we sit around and eat watermelon, then we sit around some more, then we go to the beach to watch the fireworks, then we go home and light our own fireworks and reflect upon our freedom and the founding of our country.

But in Seattle we are all gay commies who love Saddam and hate freedom, so all we do on the 4th of July is laundry.

You are lucky that I am not prone to hyperbole.

I am a bad roommate: I won't buy my own dryer sheets but I will use yours.

Also, Buster the Cat has fleas again. (Still, maybe.) And I have mysterious bites on my ankles again. (Still, maybe.)