An exciting account of a dark and dangerous night.
Sunday, Jun. 12, 2005 - 17:43

On Saturday night I went to a swanky schwanky multi-tiered restaurant/tiki lounge downtown, swanky as in $8.50 drinks swanky. I enjoyed two of said swanky schwanky drinks; the first got me as drunk as I'd ever like to be, the second got me drunker than that. So I guess they were worth $8.50.

I had cake, some Japanese pea-things, a potsticker, and a cupcake, of which I dropped muchly upon the floor. And then I left because the party was over, and I began walking up the streets in the rain. I was walking on some street, maybe First Avenue, going someplace, presumably Fourth Avenue, when suddenly I came upon a bus that said "Ballard" on it, so I decided to get into the bus. It was a bus I'd never taken before. It was full of drunks: me and some old men. It smelled like pee. Not my pee, I wasn't piss-drunk.

I closed my eyes and every few minutes I'd open them and look out the window and say to myself (probably out loud), "Where the fuck am I?" and then I'd close my eyes again for another few minutes and open them and say to myself again, "Where the fuck am I?" At one point we appeared to be on Queen Anne and I said to myself (probably out loud), "Why the fuck are we on Queen Anne?" and then I said to myself, "Kelsi, don't fall asleep!" and then I closed my eyes again.

Suddenly I heard the grate of the Ballard Bridge under the wheels and I opened my eyes to look at the water and the boats. "Don't sleep through Ballard!" I said to myself after I closed my eyes again.

We got to Ballard and I opened my eyes and got up and teetered to the front of the bus to get off because I didn't know where the bus went from there. And then I could have waited in downtown Ballard for my regular beloved bus but it would take 20 minutes, and Ballard at that point in time wasn't really hopping, so I decided to walk the 20 minutes to my house.

It was raining, I could see the rain and hear it falling, but luckily I was walking very quickly and jarringly, so it wasn't raining on me.

I was walking up the hill and there was a stranger walking behind me across the street. I imagined the sad newspaper articles that would appear about me being attacked from behind and killed by a stranger on my drunken walk home. Suddenly there was this enormous tree next to me! It was the biggest tree I've ever seen! I had to stop and look at it for a while! That's how big it was. Meanwhile, the stranger walked on and was then in front of me across the street.

I ended up not getting attacked, and after a nice walk I got home. When I'd left for the tiki lounge I'd left the hall light and the back light on because my roommate was gone for the weekend and I knew I'd be getting back late. And I got to my house and saw to my chagrin that the hall light wasn't on anymore.

"Hmm," I said to myself out loud, "didn't I leave the hall light on? Yes, I did. And now it's not on. And that means either it burned out, or someone turned it off. And so someone's probably been in my house. Hmm. I wonder if it's a good guy or a bad guy."

Unafraid, I unlocked the door and went in. I successfully turned on the hall light. "Hmm," I said to myself (not out loud), "the light isn't burnt out. There goes that theory. So someone's been in here." And then I saw that my roommate's door was shut and a light was on in her room. "Hmm," I said to myself, "I hope that's just my roommate back mysteriously early and not some burglar."

In the end it turned out to be my roommate.

I stayed up very late talking to her. Then I went to bed. Then I woke up early. Then my sister called wondering about hangover cures.

Then I got up and went to the record store and I spilled some coffee a little. I bought a CD and left.