An entry in which I try to BS my way around nothing with an impressive array of ill-used terms
Wednesday, Mar. 09, 2005 - 19:51

      WHEREAS, despite an attempt to mitigate, ameliorate, and exacerbate my recent excessive use of capital letters and exclamation points, I must use more capital letters; and

      WHEREAS, although for the past two days I am supposed to have been identifying documents pertaining to mitigation, and although I looked up 'mitigate' on m-w.com, I don't know what it means; and

      WHEREAS, I have found myself writing more stuffily lately and have begun wondering if I'm secretly becoming a lawyer without my knowledge or consent; and

      WHEREAS, blah blah blah; and

      WHEREAS, crap, I need to do my laundry tonight; and

      WHEREAS, no no I wasn't talking to you, I was referring to the Molotov cocktails, and rioting, and hate mail, and acts of terrorism and Mother Nature, that have occurred pursuant to the recent announcement of the Exciting Spring Writing Contest and the covenants and codes contained therein (I might be lying about some of these alleged incidents, although, given my penchant for the truth, that is highly unlikely, although, given the circumstances, you can't know for sure either way), what was I saying?; and

      WHEREAS, �pursuant� doesn�t mean what it�s supposed to

      IT IS HEREBY DECREED THAT I will continue to be a clerk in a law firm until I get the language down, or until I am adjudicated, whichever comes first.

RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED this 9th day of March, 2005 by

Regina Toowomba, esq.