An entry in which I try to make you feel very bad - because you SHOULD - and then I write about what I was going to write about in the first place, sort of, but not quite, because I forgot some of it
Tuesday, Mar. 08, 2005 - 20:58

Oh my god! It's just a retarded excuse for me to send you a present, people! Come on! Just write a bunch of crap for ten minutes! And then I'll stop using so many exclamation points! HELLO!

ON SECOND THOUGHT, I DON'T WANT TO SEND YOU A PRESENT ANYWAY, YOU BIG PARTY POOPERS! YOU ARE LAME AND YOU SUCK, THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO DON'T SUCK ARE ME AND THE SWORDSMAN!

If you don't know what I'm insulting you about, I'm talking about my EXCITING SPRING WRITING CONTEST, explained in my last entry, that everyone's whining about.

THERE ARE REAL PRIZES THIS TIME. YOU WILL NOT GET A PRIZE FOR NOTHING, HENCE THE TEN MINUTES OF WRITING. I EVEN SAID TO NOT MAKE IT GOOD. PLUS, THE JUDGE IS A GIGANTIC MORON WHO DISOBEYS TRADITIONAL USAGE RULES FOR COMMAS, WHAT ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT?

BLAGHHHHH. I WAS GOING TO WRITE AN ENTRY ABOUT SOMETHING TONIGHT BUT I'VE FORGOTTEN ABOUT IT! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT! ALL I CAN DO IS TYPE IN ALL CAPS AND USE MANY EXCLAMATION POINTS!

OH, I WAS GOING TO WRITE ABOUT GENIUS CLUBS AND LEMONY SNICKET AND BOOKS.

Okay, I'll do that for a second.

I finished reading that book about diaries. I finished reading Angels and Demons. I finished Great Expectations. I finished Robinson Crusoe, I finished the Da Vinci Code, etc. Basically, I finished all the books that were piled up waiting for me to read. I GOT TO THE END OF MY BOOKS. I didn't have anything to read. This is nice, I thought, now I'll write on the bus, I'll write in my spare time, I'll get things done. Etc. Turns out, it wasn't nice, so now I'm reading one of those Lemony Snicket books.

You may recall my feud with Mr. Snicket over his theft of the title of my autobiography. Etc. Also his participation in a genius club with Stephin Merritt. Etc.

(By the way, there's a guy on the bus in the morning who looks like Stephin Merritt. Or also the guy Jack Ruby shot. (Notice I didn't say the guy who killed JFK.) (What was his name?))

Um, genius clubs, I was at a restaurant eating pho and I think there was a meeting for a local genius club taking place at a table near me. I mean maybe, maybe not, it's hard to tell.

ANYWAY, I thought about going over and sitting next to them, but I think they would have made fun of my chopstick skills, so I didn't.

And now I'm going to begin crafting the fabulous prizes for me and the Swordsman and for none of you other lazy poo-poo heads. Good! Because then I'll get to go to bed earlier! And that's good! Because I'm tired!