(Sorry, this is all about the Sims, but there's a life lesson at the end.)
Thursday, May 15, 2003 - 00:05

You know things are messed up when there's a new Sims expansion pack out and I don't give a shit.

I saw the screenshots a couple months ago and was all excited and I couldn't wait for May, and now here it is, May, and the Sims Superstar was released on Tuesday, and I don't have it yet, and I don't really care if I ever get it.

Sure, it looks fun and cool and you can get famous and have groupies or stalkers! and other fun stuff. But whatever. Do I really care? No.

The Sims Unleashed was neat and I liked it, but then all those fucking animals came to all of my houses and peed all over the sidewalks and bothered everyone by begging and rubbing them. The hand of God came down and deleted the animals and their non-absorbent piss, but they kept coming back, and now recently my Sims have started trying to murder the animals by putting them in rooms with no doors. But then I get bored and quit the game before any animals die. There's just no joy in it.

I've been thinking about uninstalling all the expansion packs and just playing the original. Remember how thrilling it was when Michael Bachelor finally got Bella Goth to marry him? And remember the horror we felt upon finding out that Bella had left a husband and a daughter in order to marry Michael? And remember how she later went back home, remorseful, to her ever-loving, forgiving Mortimer?

Ah, those were the days, my friends. We thought they'd never end. We'd sing and dance, forever and a day. Our Sims lived the lives they chose, they'd fight and never lose, and now all they do all day long is sleep and pee and play the piano, because they don't have to work because they figured out how to cheat.

Geez.

Improvements are not necessarily improvements.

That's why Atari 2600s are better than PS2s.