I am a genius
Tuesday, May 13, 2003 - 13:01

Ah ha, I've always thought it was the process that was important. Like in yoga, it's not just the poses, but it's the getting into the poses, the movement into them, the process of getting there.

And for the past couple days I've been trying to play one part of a piece I had to memorize in college when I took piano lessons. (And I had to perform it in front of fucking music majors, and it was the worst thing ever.) There's one part of the piece that I really really like and I used to be able to play it really well and it was fun. But the past couple days I've been trying to play it and it's been awful. I'm using an electric keyboard, for one thing, and I'd prefer a piano, or at least a full-sized keyboard. So that's one problem. Also, I haven't played much in the past few years, so I suck. Also, although I still basically have the piece memorized, there are lots of gaps and so I suck. Also, my hands are weak hurting motherfuckers that don't like to do anything productive and they suck.

Last night and this morning I just played that part over and over, and I kept sucking, and so I'd start that part over and over and it still sucked.

But just now I played the whole piece, the whole thing, from the beginning, and I got to that part and I played it perfectly (or as perfectly as I can come close to) and I laughed triumphantly and kept on playing and I got to the end and I fucked up the ending but I was still feeling triumphant, because it's the process.

You can't go straight into the middle of a piece of music and expect to be able to play it well. (Or maybe you can... I can't... I'm talking generic you right now, the generic you that really only applies to me, since I don't really know what I'm talking about.) There are feelings and rhythms and melodies and crap like that that the whole piece tells you about, so when you skip ahead you miss out on those things.

Blah blah blah. I realize I have an award to present to someone for her stellar entry in the first contest I've ever held, but I'll do that later.

Forward ho!