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Quitting school, part 1 Scene: yesterday, Thesis Advisor's office. Characters: Thesis Advisor, a successful, cheerful, very encouraging superprofessor; me, a third year grad student who's been "working" on her thesis for over a year. The dialogue: Me: Hi. Um, I'm not going to finish my thesis. Her: Ha ha, yes you will! Me: No, I mean, I've decided I'm not going to. I'm quitting. Her: I just can't accept that. No. I won't accept that. Me: I'm just not working on it and I can't make myself. Her: You're so close! You're so close! You're so close! Me: Well, I've been sitting on it for a year and I haven't gotten anything done on it. Her: I've failed you! I should have been making you turn in two pages a day! It's been sitting for so long and that's why you can't work on it! I wish I could make it new for you! Me: No, it's not just that, because I wasn't working on it a year ago and it was new then. I just don't want to do it. I don't want a master's degree. Her: It's the wrong topic! Me: No, I like the topic. The topic's fine. Her: You don't think this, but you're so good! You're so good! You're so good! Me: Uh, well, I don't know about that, but I don't want to do it. I can't. Her: A thesis isn't supposed to be long. You're so close, you could finish it in a week! Me: I probably could, if I'd do it, but I wouldn't. And no, wait, I couldn't do it in a week, because I'm really not that close. I have a lot to do, and I really don't want to do it. Her: You could come in here and sit at my desk this weekend and get it done. Me: I probably could finish it. No, wait, I couldn't. I really can't finish it and I don't want to. Her: I'd do it for you. Me: Ha ha ha, yeah, then I'd submit it to a journal and pretend it's mine. Her: Ha ha ha, and then I'd probably have to referee it. Me: Ha ha ha. Etc. etc. She's a tough one. She seriously almost had me convinced a few times that I could actually finish it. But seriously, I can't. It's so terribly bad and so terribly far from being finished and I'm so terribly far from wanting to work on it. Bah. I decided on Friday that I wasn't going to finish and I had a great weekend and I felt great about it, but then I went to talk to her and now I'm wondering. But also, I think she's not always sincere. I mean, what's with the "you're so great!" thing? She also said someone had recently talked to her about some really crappy presentation I did last fall... I had no idea what I was talking about and I went far too long and it was lame, but she said this person, she couldn't remember who, was saying how great it was, and I'm so good at presentations, and you know what? I think she was totally making it up. Besides that, she tells fucking Mr. Knowitall that he's great, and he's a fucking twat. That was harsh. I hope this diary doesn't get found out. Oh, and here's how the conversation ended: Her: Well, you've won Round 1, but we'll meet again after the CAT conference and I'll have better things to say. Me: Okay, but I'm going to write down my reasons right now. Her: I'm going to write down my reasons too.
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