tespect attitode
Friday, April 4, 2003 - 13:03

I've just started paying attention to my junk-mail folder. The email thing here automatically puts things it thinks are spam into this folder, and I forgot about it for a long time until a few weeks ago, when I discovered I had like 10 MBs of spam. So now I check it every day.

I love spam! It's so funny and creative. I just got the best spam ever, right now.

From: Patrick Phillips
Subject: I need someone now, please come have your way with me

Her husband or boyfriend is gone and has left her all alone....

He's neglected her once again...

She's sitting there all by herself, feeling very upset and very lonely...

She is sick of her own hands rubbing up and and down herself....

She wants someone to come and ravage her and have their way with her...

It could be you...

Lonely, neglected women are sitting at home all by themselves at this very moment. They are deeply in need of someone, either it be just for company, just to talk, someone to hold, or just to be pounded... they need someone and they need them right now...

You can chat with lonely women as close as next door right here!

This one in particular is very touching and elegant. Very well written, dramatic even. Shows definite talent. It's like the spam bar has just been raised a notch. Or is it lowered a notch? Whatever it is, it definitely seems like the future is very bright indeed for spam and spam lovers.

Spam subject lines are often entertaining, such as "Time to grow that schlong!" or "Satisfy your woman you pindick". Then there are the wispy sentimental subject lines, such as "Enhance your manhood now" (are we in a romance novel or what?), or "YOU Are In Total Command" or "What Is It Worth to Keep Your Hair?" These are very effective, I think, because you can really tell that the spammer has your best interests in mind.

Then there are the super friendly ones that often have your name in them, like "kelsi This worked for me." or "Hey cutie! look at this kick ass webpage" or "I was on set- I couldn't believe what Jennifer, Cameron,and Britney did!!!" and they always totally trick me because I think it's a friend sending me something LOL!

Then there are the ones with nonsense strings in them. These confuse me, because they sometimes start out with pretty good subjects, but then have this silly string that just ruins it, like "Small girls love huge c0cks. nhovlCgldu|odqg1frp7977" or "Fwd: No appointments necessary uw nitxiwb" or ""Does Your Family Deserve Affordable Health Care? htsizssvqkxwiv". And then there are the ones that are just all silly, like "hi dqc viq oaylv" or "naletaji novavi kelsi job" or "concedn mushion j". What's the point of those? Of course they're not going to trick me into opening them. I mean geez, come on. Lower class spam is just a waste of my time.

But classy spam, man, there's no beating it.