I can even smile like Lynda Carter
Sunday, April 7, 2002 - 15:32

Let me tell you something about first grade.

But first, let me tell you why I'm going to tell you something about first grade.

A couple days ago I stumbled across toejam's diary, in which she said that she thought she had special powers. So that reminded me about this thing from first grade, which I'm going to tell you about in a minute.

In addition, I'm writing one of my books. Maybe I've told you about this before, or maybe not. Even if I have, I'll tell you about it again. It's a book about everything I remember from elementary school. I remember a lot. It will probably be a horrifically unreadable piece of crap when it's finished (if it ever gets finished), because I'm not writing about elementary school, I'm just writing down certain incidents (or incidences, a la Judge Judy) from elementary school. Hence, there is no point.

Okay, so here is the much-hyped story (which actually isn't a story): In first grade I was Wonder Woman. So was my exbestfriend, although she wouldn't become my best friend for five more years, and wouldn't become my exbestfriend for eleven more years. I had Wonder Woman underwear and a Wonder Woman undershirt. I suppose they might have been Underoos, but I can't imagine me having anything that was both new and a name brand, because my parents were not only poor but stingy as well.

So I had this Wonder Woman underwear set, and whenever I wore them, I kind of thought that I was Wonder Woman herself. My superpowers were that I could run really fast and do a whole bunch of flips on the monkeybars.

I think a lot of the girls in first grade might have had Wonder Woman underwear (besides the aforementioned exbestfriend), because our most frequent recess activity was running around the schoolhouse, around and around, as fast as we could.

Speaking of underwear, when I was little, like 3, I had a pair with ruffles on the butt. When I wore them, I put them on backwards so the ruffles would be in front. What good are the ruffles if you can't see them? It took me a couple years to realize that underwear actually have a front and a back, and the back part is bigger to fit over your buns. It takes me a while to catch on to things.

Speaking of Wonder Woman, I bought a Wonder Woman journal my first year of grad school, because when I saw it, I said to myself, "Imagine, someone made a journal with pictures of me, Wonder Woman, on it. I must have this."