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July 23 God I did not sleep well last night even though I was... what's a good expression for being really tired? Dog tired or something like that? Let's just say it is. I did not sleep well even though I was dog tired. Doggone tired. Whatever. Someone was out talking on the street and woke me up, probably 2 a.m., and then a thunderstorm came through. I was worried about the lightning, and I was hot. I turned on the fan in my room, I turned down my comforter, I turned on an electronic music podcast, and finally I fell asleep again. It rained again in the night but not much, and it rained again this afternoon. Rain in July! We never get rain in July! I feel like I'm finally starting to dig out of some kind of darkness, although I don't know why there was ever any darkness to begin with. I have my ideas, sure. But why? I've been fighting it since Tim left and I don't know how I could have fallen into anything, because I'm an incredible fighter. And I think it started before Tim left. Before Tim left this time. It may have started when Tim left last time. (If there's one thing he's good at, it's leaving.) It may have started when I left Seattle. (I'm good at leaving too.) It's so stupid to get sucked into some kind of darkness without realizing it. I stopped taking pictures at some point, I stopped writing stories, I stopped going to shows. I used to ride around this town on my bike and now I zip around town on my bike. Well, I try to do my best, that's all I can do.
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