February 1, 14 degrees
Wednesday, Feb. 01, 2017 - 22:41

How do you end a standoff with someone when you're not the one who started it in the first place and you're the one who's always having to end these things and you're the one who's supposed to be bad at communication - aren't other people supposed to be better? - AND when you told yourself that this time you wouldn't? What are you supposed to do? I know that this is a waste of time, life is precious, just get over yourself and grow up and talk to him, but goddammit, why should I always be the one to do that? But if I don't we'll just be fucking assholes to each other forever and what a fucking waste, what a sad fucking waste.

Here's some morbid humor or whatever: on Monday my dad had his checkup scans/blood tests or whatever, and that night my mom left me a voicemail: call me when you have a few minutes. Bad news. My heart sank - if my dad's cancer comes back he's not gonna survive it again, it nearly killed him the first time. So I inhaled, and called her, but it wasn't that. No. She'd just found out that my grandma is going to die soon. She'd had an appointment at the cardiologist, and he said this is it. I almost laughed. This isn't new news. This is the third doctor to say this, my mom just wouldn't believe it the first two times. So, you know, I wasn't shocked or upset about it. But my mom was. Okay.

I'm in a mood, I guess.

I'm getting some fucking deltoids though, so that's rad.

My dad's test results came back fine btw.