December 15, 17 degrees
Thursday, Dec. 15, 2016 - 20:40

It snowed all day and night, a good eight inches. The puppy and I went out to shovel this morning - light powder, easy to shovel, easy for a dog to eat. Right off the bat he got too much in his mouth, got a brain freeze or a mouth freeze, coughed for a while, stopped trying to eat the snow I was shoveling, stood there waiting for me to finish so we could go back inside.

His roommate flew back to Colorado last night, plans to drive back on Saturday with the Suburban. Friday night's forecasted low now is -18, Saturday's high is 2. The Suburban broke down on the way down there in June and wasn't able to make it back in October. Do you have a sleeping bag for the drive back, I ask him. Not yet but I will, he answers.

I didn't sleep much last night, the puppy slept fine. He's a hot dog and a bed hog, and a sweetheart. After we shoveled this morning he ran back upstairs and hopped back into bed, and didn't want to leave. I didn't want to leave either.

A week or so ago I found out that the person I worked for at my first job here has lymphoma. Yesterday I found out that he was in the hospital, nonresponsive. A matter of days, they said. I had to leave my desk a couple times to go cry in the bathroom.

I'm gutted. I'm sure part of it is that I'm projecting - old guy dying, and the thing I've feared the most my entire life is my dad dying. I'm sure I'm projecting quite a bit. But also this guy is a mentor to me, someone I highly respect - a brilliant scholar, great writer and editor, a rare human being, and I was lucky to work with him. And I didn't get to tell him that.

But today came word that he'd rallied, was awake and drinking Diet Coke. I bought a card, spent some of the afternoon writing him a note. I was sorry to hear of his illness - I feel so grateful to have worked with him - I learned a great deal working for him - my respect for him, his integrity, and his work ethic only continues to grow - my best wishes to him and his family.

It was just dumb luck that I got the job in the first place. I'd finished my master's degree and wanted to stay here, wanted some kind of editing job, but I'm terrible at looking for jobs and there aren't many jobs around here anyway. But this job sort of fit what I wanted to do, and they hired me.

When I was leaving this morning, the puppy got out of bed again, super excited and sure that his roommate was at home. We went outside and he jumped up on the downstairs door, tail wagging, whining. We went inside, he ran around searching. I had to leave him there.

I took the card to leave at the hospital after work. I couldn't stop crying but I decided that if there's anyplace it's okay to cry it would be a hospital. I tried to get myself together a couple times on my way up to the fifth floor nurses station, but on the way down just gave up, let the tears fill my eyes.

I got home and shoveled out my driveway. The puppy's roommate would have done that already if he'd been here. The puppy and I went for a walk in the bright quiet night. Now he's curled up next to me asleep.

Things are so weird. I know I'm inordinately emotional right now, but things are so weird. This is taking me a while to come to terms with.