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September 20, 62 degrees Sore and tired now, but felt restless last night trying to sleep. Had to get up in the middle of the night to drink some chocolate milk because my stomach was hungry. Did not hear any sirens, did not know anything was going on, did not know someone had been shot in the head on the footbridge that I go across every single day, three blocks from my house. I'm not flipping out about it - I don't like being reactionary about things, and bad shit happens everywhere. But just a couple weeks ago someone pulled a knife on someone else and then there was a short high-speed chase resulting in a rollover a couple blocks from my house. Just a couple blocks from my house. And the neighborhood was so busy this summer, so much going on, so many people, so many cars with their goddamn chirping alarm systems. It's only going to get busier. I don't feel unsafe, just annoyed. I sleep with my windows closed now that it's winter, but with the windows open it's like a 24-hour market outside. Can I move away from the house? It would break my heart to leave that place, the yard, the garden, the garage, the house. What does Tim want? I don't know. Well, he wants attention and concern, like anyone - that's all he's ever wanted, I think, but he goes about it in a terrible way. He said he noticed we haven't talked much lately. I said, right, we haven't talked since you decided to stop talking to me. He hasn't responded to that. He probably doesn't remember things that way - who knows what he thinks happened. It's odd and hard and sad dealing with an alcoholic. He's so hurt by things that never happened. He probably thinks that I got mad and so the only option for him was to remove himself from my life to spare me the displeasure of dealing with him. BOOKS Sherman's March to the Sea was a pretty shitty thing to do, although it was "successful". In addition to the epic overarching storyline, Gone with the Wind sends a pretty strong anti-war message - all these men and boys killed, and for what? All this devastation, lives ruined, nameless people dying far from their homes. Is anything worth that? No, it's not. NEWS The puppy and his roommate are planning to hit the road end of next week! I'll probably start crying about this in a few minutes, so bye.
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