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June 23 I had my nose cauterized this morning by a very handsome man. Now I'm sitting here with vaseline and a cotton ball up my nostril and watching River of No Return, which has just turned into the worst movie ever. Nevermind the awful Hollywood Indian stereotypes and the idiot raft and the idiot rafting skills - but dude just tried to rape her, that was a fucking attempted rape, interrupted by a ridiculously unrealistic mountain lion attack, and now he's wrestling with one of the guys who randomly appeared out of the woods to save them and then decided to ask out Marilyn Monroe and then pulled a magic knife out of thin air to stab Robert Mitchum in the most ridiculous way possible. Also that scene with the elk! Jesus. My nose is starting to drive me crazy. It doesn't hurt but it feels weird and I really would like to blow it. I left work early and then went to the gardening store and spent $18 on plants I don't need and don't have room for. Oh shit! They used that attempted rape scene on the poster for this movie! Fucking wow. People are weird. So, awful Indian stereotypes, awful rafting, and awful rape culture - hey, she'll like it! It's romantic! You can't help but think of The African Queen when watching this movie. The African Queen had awful African stereotypes, yeah, but then once they get on the water it becomes the CUTEST MOVIE EVER. This movie just stinks the entire way down the river. I give it one out of five stars. Okay, two out of five stars, but just for the history of it.
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