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June 6 - gore and mayhem I got another gushing nosebleed last night. It was very inconvenient because I was very tired and it was right before I was about to go to bed but the blood didn't stop for 20 minutes and now my bathroom garbage is again filled up with bloody tissues, right after I'd taken out the garbage bag filled with Saturday night's bloodbath. For a while I was leaning over the sink and blood was coming out of my nose in a stream, not drips. If I die of a silent brain aneurysm today the investigators will come in and conclude it was murder based on the poorly cleaned-up blood all over the bathroom. Spatter patterns around the sink will indicate treachery and villainy, an awful death. But the blood finally stopped and I went to bed at midnight, an hour later than I should have. I suppose I should call the doctor's office to see if they do nose cauterizations. This is silly. Obviously of course I suspect leukemia, based on that one episode of Little House on the Prairie where Albert gets nosebleeds and then finds out he has leukemia. Every single time I've gotten a nosebleed since seeing that I've suspected leukemia. Multiple seconds of internet research have informed me that it was in one of the post-series movies where Albert got leukemia and died, so not technically an episode of Little House. Other disturbing things I remember from Little House: when Laura's horse Bunny gets tangled up in a fence and Pa shoots it, that clown rapist who attacks Albert's girlfriend in a barn while she's climbing up a ladder to get away from him, that Halloween episode when it seems like Nels Oleson cuts off Harriet's head but it was just a mannequin and Harriet is really out of town and maybe it was supposed to be a funny episode but it scared the everliving crap out of me, that one time Ma gets a cut on her leg while everyone's away and gets super sick and starts sweating and hallucinating and then cauterizes the wound herself, that time it seems like they'll get attacked by Indians or whatever, that time Mary and Adam's house/school catches on fire and they have to throw the baby out the second-story window but he dies anyway. Okay, after a few more seconds of internet research, I have discovered that they didn't throw the baby out the window. Instead, he and some lady burned to death inside the fucking building. Jesus Christ what kind of show was this and why was I allowed to watch it every day after school. Wow I'm stressed out now so here are some nice things I remember from Little House: When Laura and whoever find a bunch of gold in a stream and they think they're going to be rich but it turns out to be fools gold (which is actually pretty heartbreaking), when Laura wants boobs so she puts apples in her dress and goes to school but then has to go write on the board and one of the apples falls out (which is actually completely mortifying), when Harriet thinks she has some romantic illness but finds out she just has gas (goddamn doctors are always discounting my complaints too), when someone paints some building pink and purple and someone else is disgusted by it (and I've been insecure about my choice of color pairings ever since), when Mary's broken glasses start a prairie fire after their wagon crashes (oh god that's not a good thing, I thought I had more good memories of this show but I guess not), when Mary suddenly goes blind one day (yeah this show had to have fucked up tons of kids, this shit is stressful), the girl with the short gimpy leg, all the kids whose parents die so they have to live with the Ingallses for an episode before they get sent off to live with relatives in St. Paul, wagon crashes and fires and death, etc. etc. etc.
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