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- I am so tired. I stayed up until 1:00 last night because my houseguest was going to be leaving first thing this morning, for real - he was going to leave yesterday but that didn't work out and he was going to leave Monday but that didn't work out and he's been going to leave for the last two months and it's never worked out and I always think today's going to be the last day or evening that we'll get to spend time together so I stayed up late last night again to hang out with him for the last time again and got very little sleep again - and in addition to the very little sleep I got, which would have made my eyes red anyway (in addition to the dry winter which has been making my eyes burn and/or my terrible contacts which have been making my eyes burn), in addition to everything making my eyes red I was crying, crying on the bus and crying walking to the bus and crying after I hugged him goodbye for the last time and walked out my door - so my eyes are all red and puffy. He left this morning. I wrote very sad things while I was trying not to cry at work this morning and I would have posted it - it would have made you cry too - but I'll save it for the next time he leaves again for real.�I knew this would happen - he got 25 miles away and had to turn around and come back because he's having car problems. I wasn't surprised to get his email but good goddamn. So now what, he's leaving again tomorrow? So I'll stay up late again tonight to hang out with him one last time. I was going to go to bed early tonight, I was going to take a sleeping pill and forget that he was gone and sleep all night long but I guess I'll do that tomorrow night. I mean, I knew he wouldn't be able to go away but also... I don't know what will happen and I've had to let him go so many times, I've said goodbye to him so many times these last couple months thinking it's the last time - I can't keep doing this. Jesus, man - the universe is trying to tell you something! Maybe start listening. What I mean is, I wish he'd just decide to stay and admit it. I know he won't, I know he will leave tomorrow, or the next day. He's going to leave. It's just a rollercoaster.
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