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- Bought the plane tickets - California in February. It was $65 more than it was pretending to be yesterday, but still, $180 round trip, non-stop, ain't too bad, and no 6 a.m. flights either. Also I signed up for the spring session of yoga. These two things despite the fact that I cannot conceptualize what my life will be like after next week. I've been just trying to make it through this semester without losing it completely and I am so close, so close, just another week... And then, then, who the fuck knows. Hate my fucking desk job, and... The person I lost 7 years ago and found 3 months ago has been saying he'll be leaving town soon, and he hasn't yet, and I hope he doesn't (because I will fall apart, completely, utterly [for a couple days, and then I will be fine, I will be fine, I know how to live without him and I will be fine])... but someday he actually will leave and what will I do when he does? I don't need to live in this town anymore. I've stayed here this long so that we could find each other - I didn't know that was the reason but it was - and we found each other and I don't need to be here anymore. But I don't know what to do. I wish I had some idea of what was going to happen, or what I wanted to happen. I have no idea. Everything I've ever known ends right now. Anything that happens after this will be brand new. I feel like it sounds like I'm turning all emo again but I'm not. Things are just weird to me right now.
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