yes, it is remarkable
Monday, Oct. 10, 2011 - 17:15

I canceled class today and stayed in bed until 11. I got about three hours of sleep again last night, although not as pleasantly as Saturday night, and spent as much time crying as I did sleeping. I'm on my period! might be my excuse - but the crying floodgates opened on a Monday night in August while we were watching a mountain on fire, and I've been crying pretty frequently since then. This is stuff I need to get over. I've fairly well decided that I'll go talk to a counselor about it - we get three free visits a year through work. I am very private and haven't had anyone to talk to about this stuff in 8 years - and I couldn't write about it here because in an attempt to try to let my husband know me I told him about this top secret online diary, which meant that I couldn't write about anything that was happening while we were breaking up. The ex-husband doesn't read it anymore so I could write all about it now but at this point I'm too used to being cryptic about it.

Anyway, I've been crying a lot, mostly when I'm alone but a few times in front of this person recently returned to my life (I haven't cried in front of anyone since probably the last time I cried in front of him, 7 years ago). I need to get over what happened, I need to let it go, and most importantly - I need to forgive him, not just for me but for him too.

So it's been a tough bonus day off. Didn't do jack shit except sleep late, cry, and write.

It's dark, cloudy. Been listening to a lot of Pearl Jam lately - haven't much, really, for the last 7 years, I just realized.

Tell me, though - it is remarkable, isn't it, to find someone in a coffee shop in an old railroad town 8 years after meeting them on the other side of the world? Or, is it a small world, and these things happen all the time?