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- On Wednesday night I went out and got traaashed, it was ridiculous. So dumb! Luckily I got a ride home with a friend, otherwise I would have had to spend the night under a bush somewhere - I was completely incapable of getting myself home. I was in bed by 8:30, then got up at 8:32 to barf again, then was back in bed by 8:36. It was ridiculous, I already said, so ridiculous that bears repeating. I figured out that at the root of everything, there is the fear of death. Now that I'm not so fucked up I'm not sure how true that is, but at the time it seemed very clear. I thought I was going to die twice. It was all very ridiculous and I hope I don't do that again. Tonight I saw the friend who took me home. He said it all happened in about 30 seconds - I was having fun, and then all of a sudden I was not. I couldn't talk, was dang near catatonic. To me it seemed like I'd been trashed for hours and that everyone knew it - I was embarrassed. Fortunately, I think, no one but him knew how bad I was, so my reputation is intact. Tonight when I went out I drank water and left before midnight. Now I'm going to bed! I'll tell you about my winter reading project later.
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