Lady/no balls
Monday, Oct. 06, 2008 - 20:56

I might as well come clean with you - I got my eyebrows waxed on Saturday. It was free. My friend Bridgett said, "I'm getting my eyebrows waxed!" "Me too!" my little brain cried, "me too!" so I fell in line behind her. So far I can't tell if it was a mistake or not. The wax was green. It was my first time.

I don't like pencil-thin eyebrows, I don't like unnatural. Oh yes of course I groomed my eyebrows but they were real eyebrows. Now they are strange thin lines with large triangular owly tufts toward the middle. Sometimes I think I look slightly clownish. Other times I think I look okay.

Today I also got my hair cut for the second time in two weeks. The girl who did it two weeks ago didn't do a good job and I knew she wouldn't just by her name. I almost canceled my appointment because of her name. You of course recall my haircut in June, the haircut I'd waited my entire life for, the haircut that made hair worth having and life worth living - that haircut was cut off two weeks ago and replaced with a shapeless blob. My appointment today was with the gifted lady who gave me that summer of fabulous hair. I asked for her by name - she understands my hair like no one else can. My hair is once again magnificent.

Also, just so you know, I am very earnestly planning to go to a boutique or apartment store to get some Makeup For Fine Ladies that costs over $20 because I have decided that the drugstore stuff I have - although I love drugstores and their wares with all my heart - is not as good as what I could get for more money. I want to spend the money I don't have on my vanity so I can walk around all unnatural and fabulous with my strange thin eyebrows, shapely layered hair, and expensive face mask. Botox and boob jobs are only a frighteningly small step away.

The eyebrows - in a few days small black spots will appear, won't they? The tiny heads of replacement eyebrows. I will have peppered eyebrows. I keep typing 'eyebrowns'.

One of these days I will get a gray hair on my head and I will freak the fuck out. So far it hasn't happened, although I do have one white eyebrow hair. Did you know I'm turning 33 in five months? I thought I'd be a little less, you know, retarded by now, but I'm not. I've been able to pass it off on youth and inexperience thus far, but pretty soon, probably tomorrow, it will be indefensible and the sole adjective that will apply to me will be 'pathetic'. Ack.

My eyebrows itch - I'm scared to touch them. A girl named Mandy said to me, "Whenever I get my eyebrows done I can't stop myself from touching them, so they break out." Break out? Why do ladies do this?

So, maybe, in order to avoid the issue of balls raised a week or two ago, I'm indulging my lady side. Makeup is no replacement for balls, though. I know this, and will address the topic later.