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- I am one part asleep, two parts awake. I meant for this year to go by slower than previous years but it's already almost July. Somehow that happens - I don't know how - even though a week in my life lasts a month at least. Something's wrong with my temporal perception. I've been tired out even though I hadn't had a race in a month, so last weekend I ran two races. My hip hurts again still and I don't know what to do. Anti-inflammatories. Pineapple and cherries. It's summertime and the fact that I'm not on vacation is impossible to deal with. I haven't been in an airport since... since... I can't even remember and traveling is freedom and I am trapped, the owner of a heavy chair that I can't move myself, that I can't fit into my car, that requires one or two other people to move and a truck to haul around in. At least it's not a couch but what do you do when you want to just leave but you have this giant chair to account for? I am super smart, though, and resourceful. There were fruit flies in my house - I got rid of my apples and bananas, I took out my garbage. I swept, I squashed. Still, fruit flies. A lesser individual would have given up. I, though - I figured it out and it only took me a week or two. Ah ha, I thought drunkenly, potatoes! Potatoes in the cupboard, sitting there ignored for months. I buy food and then refuse to eat it - thus was the fate of the potatoes, and that big container of yogurt, and the box of carrot soup I bought a year and a half ago. But my hair, oh my. Can it be that I've gone my entire life without having this haircut? What was I thinking? What's my problem? Coffee. Sunshine. Recession. I think and kind of hope that we're going into a full-on depression - a depression, during which we have to relearn the lessons of frugality, self-sufficiency, sustainability, and ketchup. All of this ostentatious, selfish, and self-important crap that we've been devouring, we're letting ourselves be fat lazy and stupid. I want paper and pens and fresh air, I want steamer trunks and boarding docks - I can't just leave this community, see. We're social creatures, even me. I've carved my niche - yes, Rob Brezsny, yes I have - I'm a part of fun little subcommunities that these days nowadays make up my life. If I say I want steamer trunks and boarding docks I should have steamer trunks and boarding docks, or I should shut up about it. I'm here but can't settle down. But back to the depression - it's not that I want a depression or that I want us to have to learn hard lessons - but we need to change, obviously, and it seems like we're not being creative enough about it now, we're unwilling - something has to force us. We're a planet of super smart people, we can harness the power of the sun, we can figure out how to do anything. Individually. Collectively we're greedy. Still, the boarding docks. Black and white film. I'm not a voracious reader but I am a voracious daydreamer. I'm researching the life of the man who founded the law firm I worked at - I'm working on a project, you see - but by 'researching' I mean I'm reading a little bit about him and then imagining the rest.
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