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- These days, a week lasts a month. It's hard for me to even remember last weekend it was so long ago, but I have the tan lines on my feet to remind me: last weekend was sunny and warm and on Sunday I ran my best 5K ever. This week at work - well, without getting into too much detail, I work in an office that invites a certain amount of attention from the public given the nature of its institutional position. This week a group of individuals angry about a certain issue came to protest at my work and it was very upsetting. It was hugely upsetting. Their issue isn't the issue, the issue is their tactics. When they stormed in, the only people inside the office were administrative assistants - tiny women, the tiny women who work in the office. The people in charge of policy weren't there, the people who make the decisions weren't there. The group of people were chanting and shouting and drumming and stomping and closing in on a group of tiny women, trapped inside. Certainly they meant and caused no physical harm but psychologically, well, that's something that can't quite be gauged yet. I haven't been able to get to sleep since then, my mind constantly comes up with terrifying new scenarios. I have decided to avail myself of the three free counseling sessions we as staff are entitled to, because obviously I have personal safety issues that have not been resolved. I am now - basically - freaked the fuck out. Any motherfucker can fucking storm into my office and I don't have a fucking exit. Etc. It's extremely upsetting. I've tried to learn the lessons that you can't take your safety for granted and you can't take the sanity of other people for granted and now I'm working in a place where I don't feel safe. There are steps that will hopefully be taken to rectify some of the safety issues but there's still the fact that I'm freaked the fuck out. So I need to go to counseling. I'm still freaked out by that fucking psycho stalker from four fucking years ago. I have no idea where he is and I have no idea if he knows where I am and I have no idea if he still has a problem with me and all the stuff that I don't know fucking scares me. It's constantly in my mind - it's been in my mind ever since but I don't often acknowledge it. The day after the protest it felt like - you know how you feel after you've been crying for a long time? I hadn't cried - half of my coworkers had been in tears, but I hadn't cried. Still, the next day it felt like I'd been crying the whole day before. It was very strange, just a very strange feeling and a very strange atmosphere. Very quiet, very delicate. We were interviewed by the police the next day - they took a statement from me - the first time I've ever given a recorded statement. Being interviewed by the police made me feel better, that they were taking us seriously, taking us into consideration. Today I helped out at a race. I got up at 4:45 a.m. I was checking people in, some guy checked in, I recognized him - "Hey, I went to high school with you." I talked to him afterwards for a while, "hung out" as the kids say. He finished second. He gave me his card. Now I'm in a computer lab trying to pay a bill online. It's not working so I have to call the credit card company. My internet still isn't working at home. Winter storms have blown in this afternoon - we had winter storm warnings, high wind warnings, snow advisories. And - oh yeah - it was so sunny and warm and that was just a week ago.
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