my career
Tuesday, Jan. 15, 2008 - 20:44

My new job - no wasting time there. The days pass quickly, 15 minutes and it's gone. I wonder where I am sometimes and if it's right or not. Will I have time to do my things? Will I have time to think? Am I cut out for work? Maybe I am - I think I am - but I am not cut out to assist. I don't want to become skilled at email and voicemail and cc:s and file copies and "coordinating".

Every job I get, from the first one I ever had, I freak out and want to run unfettered and wild with the horses - my first job, my sophomore year of high school: my first day was a Sunday, it was Mothers Day actually, and the owner told me to come in at 4. He didn't tell me I'd have to be there all night. I thought I'd go in for a couple hours, learn where things were, get my uniform, and leave. No. I went there and had to work until close and I could hear the wind blowing through the drive-through speaker and I wanted to run out the door - there was my girlhood and freedom dying before my very eyes and I was aiding and abetting, staying there behind the counter. It was very sad.

If I had skillz, if I'd learned a trade, if I were a welder or a cooper or a boatswain, if I were a bootmaker or a seamstress or a lumberjack, arrgh. Instead I'm an administrative associate.